March 29th, 2011 (Or The Day I Realised That I Have A Lot To Do Before May 9th)

Before May 9th, there is a paper to be written, a movie filmed and edited, test taken, finals studied for, quizzes taken, stuff built, drums played, books read, worksheets filled out... the list goes on. Some of these things happen tomorrow, some next week and so forth. I will never forget a story i read the first day in sculpture about taking things one at a time when the tasks ahead seem too monumental. I remind myself this is how cities are built and gradation projects finished.

I try to be productive with my time. However, i rarely am. It does no comfort to tell myself many other students suffer from the same fate because i do not enjoy comparing myself to how others do not meet their standards. I was taught and raised to raise my own standard higher than others in order to be a leader. I did this for as long as possible, but math classes taught me that we aren't good at everything at life and in some things we must learn to watch others succeed. The key to this lesson is not watching EVERYONE ELSE other than you succeed. This morning was a mixture of studying, reading, and having a headache. Headaches are not part of my normal routine, so when i get one i am out of it pretty bad. I did read the assignments i needed to read, so that was good, but i also wanted to go swimming and maybe walk around a bit or meet somebody at the college room. The latter things did not happen. Instead i was parked at the comptuer desk, reading various articles and watching trailers for movies i probably won't see because seeing movies in this town requires you to sacrifice a limb. I realise now that i sound like a wasted a bunch of time; in truth i didn't move until 10, and went to class at 12:30. There wasn't a lot of time left before and after reading. I just felt ugly because of my headache.

After my classes ended at 3:15, i walked up the hall talking with people like i usually do. Hanging in the hall on the main floor were the "finalists" of Dunlop's 2D design gradation project. For those of you unfamiliar with this project, it is a small taste of death. On a 20x20(in.) board, 1x19(in.) squares are arranged with a pre-determined pattern to create an overall gradation across the board. Combined with the type of pen he makes you use (rapidograph), this project will eat your freetime in a heartbeat and then start gobbling for more. When i did this project, it took me 56 hours to complete, most of which i did in a straight mega-projecting marathon. In those 55 hours of marathoning, i slept MAYBE 6 hours. The rest was spent bent over a piece of bainbridge, scribbling little black bars (around 20,000 if my math is right. It could be 2,000. Still... it was a lot).

My point in bringing this up is that when i relate this project to other people, they ask, "What is the point of doing that?" My answer for them is, "To prove that you can do anything." You see, once you work on something that incredibly mindnumbing, you discover that with enough will-power and mints, you can accomplish the most intense of goals. Focus is very important, as well as looking forward to being able to look back and say, "I DID THAT." Not enough people dream beyond their known abilities. People talk about wanting to live for more; you will have to exceed expected boundaries to qualify in the "more" department of the mentioned phrase.

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Tonight my fiance and i went to our first marriage counselling session. Well worth the investment. Lots of people these days criticise "true love" and make marriage out to be this prison of people lost in social expectations. Trust me, i don't fall in the category of meeting the social norm. I prayed and thought and fought hard to know this is the path i am locking myself into. One night at work i mentioned i was engaged and a co-worker said, "Ah, the ILLUSION of commitment." I think he was expecting me to agree because he seemed confused when i asked him what he meant by that. "Nobody is really committed to that level. You just get engaged because you have to make yourself believe you really are that into her." I let him know that if that were the case, i would not be sticking around. I may be an optimist to a fault, but i'm not going to live a lie if i can help it.

Anyways, our session was exciting mainly because i always enjoy discovering how similar we are as well as seeing how different we are. We are by no means the same person, but our personalities were meant to be put together. I believe God wants to paint a picture of what He wants relationships to look like on this Earth. Not perfect, but perfectable. We both seek to be the best we can be, and that has meant some hard decisions. When i look back on our relationship from the alter, however, i want to be able to smile and know that there are not many who could boast of having enjoyed it so much with so little pain. I boast in Christ, in the Love He has provided the both of us.

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Quality doodler.