I know that You could snap my neck. But I trust you're going to save my life instead.

I was recently dismissed from my job. I worked at a printshop as a screen printer. It was a good job, and I enjoyed printing. However, it wasn't my life's calling. After being dismissed, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I wanted to do. I called lots of family, friends, strangers, trying to find work. Nothing was really going anywhere. I began to get a little frantic. I had a few breakdowns, because I hate doing a bad job at something. It wasn't being a poor worker that had gotten me dismissed, but a simple error like leaving a light switch on. Just this light switch happened to be a 400 degree (F) heating element that has the potential to send the whole shop up in flames if left unattended. As this was my third offense, I was kindly let go. It took me a few days to get the thought through me head, "I will not allow this to define myself. God defines who I am, what I do." So one night as I'm getting ready to chase another rabbit trail, my wife began asking me, "Zach, what do you want to do?" Be a trainer. Be a speaker. Work for Kids Across America. Be a writer. Be a physical therapist. "Zach, what does God want you to do?" When you begin to push things aside, all the things that get you excited, you have to look a very, very barren desert that consists of your soul and your heart. Somewhere in that wilderness is a mountain, and on that mountain God speaks to you and delivers His purpose to your life. Some of us spend our lives wondering in circles without consulting God on our direction or our obedience. So after peeling away all the little shiny things that i've attached to myself that I enjoy, I discovered this black hole, this thick cloud that was God's purpose for me. The only way I could find out what was in this cloud was to seek after God Himself. There are a few places in scripture where we're told that God is surrounded in pitch blackness, terror, lightning, and fire. That's the scariest storm in the existence of man. I started to try to think how to approach God with the question of, "What's my purpose God? What do you want me to do?" After thinking over this and praying, I realised that, again, I was approaching the whole situation all wrong. God didn't want me to come get my purpose and then go do it. He wanted me to come after Him. Chase Him. Along this great pursuit, I would begin doing His plan. Walking in the footsteps He set before me. Like a Father who walks backwards as His child takes their first steps alone, or when the kid starts to ride a bike without being held or having training wheels, God was saying to me, "It's not a retrieval system dude! I don't watch you do this! You GROW in my way, and do was I show you to." My whole life I've been an achiever. Do this to get this reward. Do this for the break. Work harder, faster, to be able to play more. Do the best I can do so I can relax quicker. Dress up nice for a bit so I can dress down later. Make the boss happy, be on their good side, stay out of trouble, don't make anyone upset. It makes me a terrible chess player because I don't think very far ahead. Go to college to finish school. Get a job to make money. So now I spend 15 minutes a day, minimum, sitting on the floor. No music. No book. Just me asking God to clear my mind and speak His purpose. For that day. For my life. For my marriage. SPEAK. I sent silent more than I say anything to God. It occurred to me that if Jesus is identified as TEACHER, that I would look a fool if i walked up to Him, told Him all I needed, wanted, was thankful for, all I knew about Him, all the things I had done, and then promptly left... I would be an idiot. No person goes to a teacher to tell them what they already know. You always go to learn! LEARN! And so I pray with the intention of listening to God in greater proportion than me speaking. There are still supplications, intercessions, and praises. But I listen more. I am on Earth, and He is God, so I let my words be few. Drums. Art. This is what God says focus on. So this is what I do. Baby steps.